Not Yet

Posted on by Sandy Webster

I think Lee is getting closer to being moved to the Nursing Home near me. It has been another week of distress as paperwork gets to the right places. It is so complicated and difficult to keep track of that I keep a stack of different pads of paper for each person involved as we work through the process.

Surely next week…..

In the meantime. Walks to the dam.

This morning I decided to look in the other direction and focus on things that depict a more hopeful perspective.

Surprises from friends and family.

Coated strawberries arriving via FedEx with a lovely note from “The Gs”.

A take out order of Oyster Shooters from a favorite restaurant that thoughtfully threw in popovers and a lovely bottle of Pinot Noir.

Patches needed to spend the night at the vets due to a severe upper respiratory infection. Patrick picked up the cat, the tab, and the oysters before coming back home. She is so much better.

I did another page in the book using an old print of myself on cloth. Then drawings of parts of sticks Lee brought in and a bourbon straight up.

It is nice having someone here to share meals with. It gives me practice with being around other people. Covid and Lee’s and my circumstances have had a way of keeping me isolated these past few years.

Today Patrick is putting in a higher speed modum for the computer system, installing a “see-all” camera for the doorbell/front door so I can see from the studio who is here. Then he will readjust the dryer vent outside so that I can reach it to clean the screen of accumulated lint.

And today I went back to carving.

This an old pine plank that I carved of a male figure based on some work I was doing on masculinity in graduate school. Now I am completely removing that section of “feelings” to fill in with smaller prints of how things change in the life of a man. How “what matters” is so temporary. I would like a long series of them in a row on some Japanese kozo paper that will take the number of male figures I would like.

It feels good to carve away what was there and think about the small carvings that will fill each one’s center.

Til later…..

 

 

It Did Not Get Better

Posted on by Sandy Webster

I like this odd couple. They just go through their lives thinking it will all be just fine. But sometimes it isn’t.

The Nursing Home gave their one bed to a patient already in their care who took a turn for the worse. Lee would be on a waiting list. A scramble is now on to find a place for him. The cost per month will double. Assets will need adjusting.

His decline resulted in sitters that needed paying out of pocket were called in for twelve hour shifts to stay with him at night. His medications have been adjusted.

I walk the dam each morning to clear my head and prepare for the next bit of news that I no longer expect to be good.

The full moon was setting late last week when worries overt00k every minute of the day. Now our son has arrived to help me keep it together.

To add to problems our cat Patches is wheezing and snorting. She is also losing weight. A vet appointment in two days.  Sadie our other cat just keeps looking for Lee.

My latest addition to my sketch book from last week.

I am practicing sitting in his chair. I am reading a book. I am making calls. I am getting offers to help…but with what! I am saving one friends kind offer of bringing his truck and driving two hours to get here and haul things to one place or another. I am saving him as a gift to myself to have him come down and carve wood blocks with me. Someone in the studio would be wonderful when I have Lee settled yet again.

Movers can be called when I need to bring all those things to make Lee feel at home need to come back home. And Patrick has his truck and can do it if necessary. But for now we wait and hope they can manage Lee until another place is found.

It will get better….just not as soon as we hoped. The sun still comes up.

This morning.

Til later…..

So Much Better Today

Posted on by Sandy Webster

I returned to the dam this morning. It was very early and I just wanted to think about what comes next. What the reality is that I now walk this trail alone.

And I remember how Lee would be there every time keeping pace and looking where I pointed to see a bird or something in the shadows.

Today I got word that he is doing much better. He is feeding himself. He is sleeping through the night. He is talking to others there in the ward. And he even laughed when he slipped and fell from his chair when getting ready to walk. He got himself up, dusted himself off and chuckled when the nurses found he had not hurt himself. He will be going back to his new home at the Memory care facility tomorrow. I am so relieved but will wait until he is well settled back “home” before having any contact with him directly.

To get through the unknowing and worrying part I started reading again. The book titled The Salt Path may not have been the best choice to start but is a beautiful story of a man realizing the limitations of his dementia as he and his wife walk that beautiful peninsula in southwestern England of cliffs and sea. Thanks to Robyn Gordon for recommending it. Then back into the latest Cormoran Strike book that I was reading to Lee.

It is a very big book. Then today my two new Jane Harper books came in the mail.

The early morning walks have been very good for me. I come back refreshed and with a little bit more practice on being civil and social.  With Lee and Covid isolation I have found myself unable to be either. So now I am in training. I still have little patience for the self indulgence and ignorance we seem to have so much of here in this country with the specter of Trump still looming. But turning off the news and proudly wearing my Biden/Harris pin has certainly helped.

Today is a good day. But I have learned that it is not a good idea to count on that being every day.

I will take what I can get and celebrate that.

Til later….

Waiting for News

Posted on by Sandy Webster

I have walked along the river and it is more and more flooded. Some parts impassible.

So I stick to the higher parts and found this.

The idea of an elf hidden in the trees fit into my drawings and stitching sketchbook along with this tree trunk we found last week with strawberries growing inside.

So here is how I have tried to keep my mind occupied these past few days.

The Riverwalk.

The elf.

This morning looking out the window.

I practiced talking to someone in public yesterday. It was on the Riverwalk. I stopped a man who walks a fat black dog and asked if he knew why the river was so high. He told me it had to do with the runoffs from two dams close by and would be that way all summer. It was so very nice hearing a strangers voice that I wished I could find more to talk about but he gave me the information he had and then turned and took his fat, friendly dog with him. I stood and watched before heading off to another coffee shop in search of a decent latte and a scone. And again I was the only one in the shop. There is one more to try in the town and then I give up. Perhaps just get a latte to go and bring it home to my own scones.

The news from the doctor on Friday was neither good nor bad. And my imagination and fears of the worst can keep me stressing over what happens next. I need to take it one day at a time and make the necessary decisions as they come up.

The house is sometimes unbearably empty. I am going to lose myself in some novels and finish all the ones I started.

Til later….