Our front yard is looking better and better. The pond man comes next week and hopefully will stir up the so far unseen fish. If they all perished since last fall then that is the way things go. I am picking where my sadness goes these days.
Lee and I walked the trail the other morning. It was lovely.
Then back up near the house.
Our friend, Marla, comes tomorrow to stay for a bit to help me sort things out. One of her first jobs on Wednesday will be to come with me to a memory care home about an hour away from here. They were very kind and understanding on the phone and came recommended by two of our caregivers. Lee is more set than ever that he is going “back home”. He is angry at the “man” who told him to get ready and now he can’t go. I want each of our kids to see him in his house here before I make a decision as to when would be best to put him someplace else. It is getting difficult and I am not a nurse. Last night I found him just sitting in the living room at 1:00 am. I have no idea how long he was there. But he needs to be busy so now has collected more rocks only to smash them into smaller pieces. We are filling the black bamboo bed with rocks and he used to be able to just do that on his own but loses track of what to do if I or a caregiver are not with him constantly.
The good thing is he is easily distracted and loves his cats.
He needs more help getting dressed and we have given up on button down shirts. Next I will order him some pull-on jeans. I will ask at the care home what is best to have in the way of clothes for him. I will ask a lot of questions to make this easier for both of us.
So back to the little drawing I have time to do…..the Marks book is finished with the bamboo bed we now fill with rocks.
Now I am stitching small scraps together and drawing in the next book. Here is page 1.
This book will take more time but it is just what I need right now. Something I have control over with marks of what I used to do. Once I get control over the “way too much stuff” problem more will get easier.
What I think about now is the cleared spaces in my next place. I am hoping for tall walls for the large pieces I won’t leave behind and the long table to draw, paint, stitch, etc below the artworks going to the high ceiling. A kitchen area, deck outside facing trees, bedroom for me and the very old lady’s bedroom set of two dressers and a double bed. She was a neighbor of Lee’s when he was growing up and we always kept the furniture given us from her children when she passed as guest room furniture. I get to be my own guest soon. Maybe another bedroom with a simple bed and my much loved Migun bed to relieve pain in the back, neck, legs. The walls will be pale beige-ish grey and mostly bare except the Aboriginal art that hangs over my long work table. I will have vegetables that I may or may not cook. And every afternoon right at 4:15 I will pour a scotch that takes an hour to drink…not because it is a large glass but because I will take slow spaced out sips and remember my fellow scotch drinkers and smile. Yes, 4:15 will be my memory hour and I will be able to smile my way through it.
I watched borer bees yesterday. How they have some sort of mechanism to drill body sized holes into wood and then go into that private space and stay there until they want to come out, sip some nectar from a beautiful flower and then go back in, turning their fuzzy little butts to the world outside until hungers of various kinds make them back out to check their options.
It may be a while before I get back to Sara and her blues…but I will get there. Just not this week. I need to put my own obsessions into boxes and move them along.