Holding Dementia in My Hands

This is a bit of a departure from what I usually post. And it is a bit of a lesson that I need so much more practice with linoleum carving….or I could just give it up for now.

So to start with the block. I carved two blocks of equal size.

One was to be a muted grey background for the dramatic flower image in black. So they went on the wall to dry.

I sort of hated them at first but gave myself twenty-four hours to make sure. Then I cut all the white borders away.

Piled up like this they begin to look better. So cut them up again and folded them into folios.

Now the idea began to form on how to turn the long book into a story of growing dementia.

The pages needed some kind of text. So I went to the computer and wrote out words about how dementia is….sort of a word association.

The pages were printed on both sides, cut and folded to match the lino print pages.

At first I thought I would coptic bind them then changed that to a continuous concertina spine piece…first white that was messy to black that felt more like the words.

I have to say that it was the fragmenting of the lino prints into pieces with those grey matter blotches in the background that made me think of the dementia my husband has. The black broken patterns are how there are positive blocks of thought and then just meandering from one idea to another.

I needed the focus not to be on the words or on the illustrated pages. The book began to take over as a sculpture, not meant to have its pages read one at a time. The sculpture also needed to show how dementia is a deterioration of that grey matter….a loss of the words.

So here it is finished. It does not invite touch. And a good thing about working on this, is that I stayed detached in some way. There were no tears on this work….just a determination to make a form that captured our experience with Lee’s disease.

And here it is. As many punched out hole pieces as I could collect were put into a specimen bottle to represent the need to hold onto what we have lost.

Most words can only be seen up close and by parting the pages. I like that it is like trying to carry on a conversation…one of us has to look for the words and the other has to help him find them.

Now I have only done two pieces of artwork about Lee’s dementia. This one above and the stitched shawl when he was first diagnosed. Stitching on it gave me comfort and caught several tears.

Rescuing the linen pieces that had been colored with the soils around where we share a home  Trying to hold them all together with patches and stitching.

I only had the opportunity to see one other artist work with this subject and she was in my last class taught a the folk school a little over a year ago. It is this book that she did in class about the difficulty of communications between her and her husband. I love how it captured the essence of those difficulties.

I will say that the shawl is the piece I will hold again and again. I will likely put stitches over stitches just to have it in my hands. The black and white more detached view of dementia does not need to be touched. I don’t need to hold it. But I did need to step back and take an honest look at how things are and how they are going to be.

Next week I will work on the Bush Books….lots of cutting and pasting and folding. Then making covers for them all.

Til later.

Little Ventures Out

When I am in the office trying to catch up on blogs and correspondence I can sometimes see Lee outside the window. The other day he had one of his caregivers helping him get those rocks just so. Today’s caregiver found me lots of bananas, some onions, carrots that actually look like carrots, celery and some hot dog buns…..all of it for just $13.15!

This morning we went out to pick up the book pages for ten Bush Books. He finally finished and I wanted to make sure he got the money for it.

And now in the studio where I checked the numbers.

He really did a good job and now I have something to work on when I get to the studio.

I saw this on facebook this morning and thought it was a good idea. One capful of bleach to a quart jar of water. Keep a cloth in there to wipe things down when they come into the house.

I wiped down the plastic wrap on the package of bush book pages but did not know what to do after they were opened. Couldn’t wait to start checking on the count so touched the pages. This is a whole new behavior pattern for us with the virus going around. I did remember to wipe down the packages of lettuce that I got while we were out. No one was in the garden section and I had my food grade plastic gloves on and with lettuce freshly delivered, I bought twelve plants. Finally we will have lettuce in the house….lots of it. Lee stays in the car and as soon as I filled my gas tank with the gloves still on, we came home where I did the package wiping and tossed out the gloves. I had bought them many years ago thinking I could use them for printmaking. No, they are too loose and slide around too much but are perfect for going out and having to touch door knobs, etc.

Here are the latest drawings a day.

A small Christmas bag

filled with lots of hanging tapes

to stick things on walls.


A long charging cord

that can send my photographs

from phone to lap top.


Lee turned this stopper

for wine bottles needing this

funny little man.


And now this stopper

that Lee turned while still being

in creative mode.


Later this weekend I will do another post about something I am working on in the studio. It is about how we as artists change our approach to a subject when it becomes something we can learn to be objective about. How things can go from clinging emotional response to suddenly finding ourselves distanced enough to say, “Here is another new way to say the same thing.” More or less.

Til then.

Being Safe

Lee and I are in, and trying to follow the rules. This continual rain is getting him down. He wants to be out there with his rocks, moving them from one place to another.

Some of them he saves for something only he has knowledge of.

I keep up with my drawings.

Traveling corkscrew.

You just have to remember

to take it along.


I found this Qantas

bag in the back of the drawer

with coins from Bali.


It measures and cuts.

And it will magnify some

of the little things.


So these playing cards

made by Patsy have many

hard patterns to draw.


We are keeping our cleaning lady at bay til this safe distancing ends. And today I assigned jobs between the two of us. Anything that made a noise like the vacuum, Lee took. He does not know how to make it slant down to use or how to turn it on. But once started, he vacuumed like a pro. He also liked getting down to clean off all the baseboards he could reach and dust doors. I got to use the Swiffer to get up all cat hair left behind, do the dusting, scouring and cleaning bathrooms. Lee finished up with polishing the stainless steel in the kitchen. A good morning and the house smells great.

Last Friday evening my students in Australia face timed me once they finished their workshop and had a full day of working in the house we always share afterwards. It was so special to see them and offer suggestions on their projects. I did not cry until we rung off….I miss them and they are so terribly kind to remember me when they get together. Now they have all traveled back to their homes and like us are keeping the distances they did not have to while together in that magic place.

And speaking of tear-rendering kindnesses, the other day two cards came in the mail. One from a friend who came here for private lessons on white line printmaking. He sent a sketch of a bird in his yard and asked how we were doing. Not that many ask the question on how we are faring in this sometimes very hard situation, but he always does. Makes me feel looked after from a distance.

The other card that came that day was from a total stranger out in western Canada I think. She told me how she reads all my blogs and feels she knows us. I try to read these cards to Lee but cry every time. I can even cry during commercials when I get overwhelmed.

I get funny cards from a guy that was in the art group. He is the only one I hear from and in a month a year will have passed since our last meeting.

I asked the home care person to see if she could get a few things on my grocery list. They are letting us older ones get into stores between 7 and 8 am by ourselves but the manager told me the new supplies don’t come in that early. I can get wine and beer because the church people have not sunk that low in this area.

Today I ordered special meals for Lee and I. The types of meals you would only get in a restaurant. It is take out only…like the brewery on Thursdays. We pick them up today at 4:50 pm. It is right across from the liquor store so I might replenish that as well.

Tomorrow Lee and I have appointments at the salon for his pedicure and my haircut. I will go there on time but only to give the girls some money to help tide them over as all salons must close tomorrow night. It is how these people make a living and the incredibly slow to respond federal government appears clueless on the impact this has on our working class population.

We are trying to stay safe and I am trying to keep Lee in the moment and not in a state of confusion of where we are and what we need to do.

A very large thank you to those who make me cry over your thoughtfulness. You know who you are and it helps so much knowing you are there.

Til later when I show you the latest and perhaps only attempts at lino printing.


Spring Showing Itself

It is uplifting to see how quickly leaves and blossoms pop out with some sun after days and days of grey skies and rain. It has been depressing with the greyness, corona virus, incompetent people in charge, missing friends far away, wondering if our son will be able to get away to visit……But here it is spring finally.

Help is still arriving three days a week to sit with Lee. I get into the studio but once there wonder what to do. I have brought my gym routine home where there is a bike and weights. Funny how we simply can’t let go of routines. The security in that when everything else seems so uncertain.

I even went to the brewery where we always meet a friend for lunch every Thursday and got a take out lunch and dinner. Even had Lee’s growler filled with porter beer. Just so we could bring it home and eat their good food today. I wonder if they can sustain their business doing it this way. A bar needs people sitting in there having one beer after another and meeting others for lunch and dinner to watch a sports game on their television. Will take out meals from a limited menu and filling growlers keep them in business? We will just do our part and see. I also noticed that our bank has closed the interior space and only uses the drive through windows…and even that is done with gloves on. My jolly man at the feed store seems more subdued today. This is going to take its toll on everyone but especially the more social among us with small businesses in rural areas such as ours. I worry about the older population who bag groceries and work the registers at the grocery stores to supplement their retirement. They seem so at risk even without coming in contact with so many of us who could very easily be carrying the virus and not know it.

I had better get used to it. And it is hard answering Lee’s questions. The good thing there is that I can make things up and move on…….sometimes.

Anyway the drawings have ended in one series of books and now are starting in the new one.

There are two of these.

They were made for scooping up

salad greens and not dust!


This lacquered box is

more of a coffin now for

those unused chopsticks.


A stocking stuffer –

some kind of magnet, ribbon

and others attached.


It was so much fun

designing and hanging these

on our own honey!


I heard Lee come in upstairs so had better get this posted.

More later.