Picking Back Up Where I Left Off

October is coming to a close. It was Lee’s and my fifty-fourth anniversary this past week. Not many can say that even in our circumstances. They continue to look after him at the Care Center during difficult times. When they call to give me updates it is to let me know in so many words that he is failing. And so it will continue.

Here is the view from the deck off my studio.

I like the modification of light and perspective that shooting it through the screen have done to “out there”. It is almost like a story book image that fits my disconnection to my place of so many years with Lee. I think about walking the trail but find an excuse not to every day. Maybe tomorrow I will go out there and pick up some leaves to place in a bowl on the table.

Besides watching every episode of The Crown this week I managed to get back to my stitching and drawing.

I would like to find a way to put drawings into the stitched panel but so far have not thought of how to do that. I am such a poor embroiderer that stitching the drawings would be pretty sad. So I will continue jabbing the needle in and out in some sort of semblance of order. Placing bits of cloth next to each other and holding them in place first with a pin and then rows of stitching seems to be such a nice thing to do. Completely useless but pleasing. These patches are me I think, holding things together and moving on to the next bit that needs some control.

And back to the Bird Stories…

I did not like those eggs unattended so yesterday gave them someone to watch over them. Bird feet are so interesting, so fragile. Today I will draw some more bird things in the book because it is rainy and what else is there to do? I would work more on my short story but unfortunately my laptop has decided yet again to go black and deny me access. A new one is coming by next Friday that will be so much more cooperative.

The builder called me yesterday morning to ask if he could make a change to the window by the front door. Seems that there is now a shortage of windows and I will need to go to a side panel by the door rather than a separate window. It ended up me making a trip over to meet up with him in his office and making the decisions on everything pertaining to the new home. White kitchen cupboards, mottled grey and ochre granite counter tops, sage green house with white trim, a certain number of canned lights in the ceilings, what kind of faucets, door and drawer handles, and on and on. The only problem I reminded him was that the closing with his lawyer was not scheduled until the end of November. To this news he promptly went across the road and asked them to move it forward. The answer was they would try to get it in before Thanksgiving. That is the best that can be done but I don’t think there has ever been a builder and homeowner more in sinc in our shared desire to get going on this project. It will take eight months from the time of our closing before I can move in….all due to shortages anticipated in the process of getting materials.

So I continue to walk in the mornings when few people are out and about. I am able to put my mind to something and figure things out on those walks. Sitting at home I am lured into watching British drama and turning my mind off completely. What I really need to do is go into the studio. Stop avoiding it and DO something. I think the last of my autobiographical heads needs finishing. The Homemaker just sits there with all her paraphernalia gathered around her. When all are complete and my son will make the glass specimen cases for each, I plan on placing all four on top of the old wooden post office table in my new house. Then I can see myself for what I am and was, something to be closely regarded behind a piece of glass. I am fascinated by the prospect of having that perspective.

Anyway here are some pictures of my walks.

When I got home yesterday morning I was struck by how beautiful Lee’s grape vines are this year. He ripped out most of them close to the ground in a fit of frustration shortly before he left last Spring. I think he would have liked the result.

Such a dull and colorless fall we are having this year and then suddenly a reminder of what is possible when the temperatures and humidity combine their efforts. I like the dark beckoning of the forest beyond the deep reds of the dogwood trees. Whatever is there seems to be comforting. Maybe a small fire with a stump just the right height to sit on, and a large wool blanket to wrap around myself holding a small cup of something warm to drink. Or maybe just more cold dampness and soaked shoes while I cling to branches wondering what the heck am I doing out there. Best to just stay inside today and watch the woods….it is dry and warm here with things to do.

Til later…..