Having a Dreary Day

The window washers had to cancel today and reschedule a few weeks from now. Finding help, even poor help is hard to come by in the rural south. There simply are not enough people to fill the job vacancies. And it is not as simple as pay more and they will come. I am sure the employers here would gladly pay if they could just get somebody willing and able to work. So being rescheduled for a good window wash and eaves cleanout is of small consequence. I am happy to still be on their list to get service.

Last week I picked out the appliances for the new house. Ordering early is a necessity with demand and shortages. I wanted a gas stove because that is what I am used to. And the one I picked out has five burners on top and a small one rack oven above and a bigger oven down below. Such a great idea for baking cookies one sheet at a time and baking/heating up simple dishes. A dishwasher that is as quiet as the one I have had for sixteen years and a microwave/hood combination for over the stove. The total for just those took my entire appliance allowance which is fine because I am taking my refrigerator and washer and dryer. It was fun to be in a store looking at what is new in the past sixteen years.

Later I will pick out fans and light fixtures. The builder thought I would like to get a chandelier for the dining room. I said no to that because fixtures like that tend to determine where a table goes. So canned lighting in the ceiling is fine. But some nice pendant lights over the island with a sink might be fun. For that island I requested outlets with USB ports for each end.

Building is as much fun now as it always was. Only difference is I don’t have Lee to share in the experience. He is still eating with a bit of help and only fighting the nurses at shower time. Medication has helped with the severity of his resistance. I asked if he still had his stuffed cats and they said not so much since he took his anger out on them but likely they were still in his room. For quite some time they were a comfort and maybe can be again. I am so thankful that he is in a place where they are equipped to care for him.

And as for me…I am the one left here remembering how things used to be and planning a different life for myself. Lee’s dementia and Covid have dwindled the social options. Only the best have hung in there with us. And as for the others who loved claiming how much they cared about us…they have drifted off with their concerns and intentions of keeping in touch to see if there was something helpful they could do. In all honesty here is what they could have done over the past five years since Lee’s diagnosis:

Brought him a pie, dropped off a casserole, a bottle of wine, offered to pick up something from a store I could no longer get to, come by to say hello to him, send a funny card to either of us, offer to stack his rocks, bring over some flowers/produce from their garden, tell us about something happening, ….in other words care enough to notice that we actually could have used more than hollow words.

But the good news is we managed with the support of family, long distance friends and those very few that live close by. We got through the hardest parts, and now have moved on. These last few paragraphs can serve as a reminder to others that strength comes from inside and help comes from very few.

The walks!

From one day to the next….the dam yesterday above and today.

I love how the mist is drawn upwards from the water.

And how the sun hits the sides of some things that would go unnoticed.

And my shadow at the turn around and head back place.

The color disappearing from the trees.

But back home the color on the ground.

All the water hyacinth and fallen leaves have been removed from the pond now. It has become a reflection pool for the rest of the year.

I did more drawing in the bird stories book.

And the chickadee now has a nest and some patchwork next to it. Tomorrow I might get to filling in the background with stitch.

Yesterday I had lunch with two friends at what used to be the Blue Ridge Mountain Coffee and Grille where we had breakfast every Sunday morning and I tore the paper napkin wrappers into all sorts of things to then turn into books and stories. It has changed, like most things. The food was better than I remember. Maybe next time I will take myself there for breakfast and see if they have a waffle or pancakes. Wouldn’t that be wonderful? A table in the corner with a plate of something ready for butter and syrup!

Patrick comes Monday to have Thanksgiving with me and pack up more of his dad’s tools from the shop and lumber that the two of them had plans for. He will make the mantle for my new house before he packs up and heads back home hauling a trailer behind. Then Christmas another load, and then wait until I sell this house just before my new one is finished.

I am looking forward to the newness of things ahead.

Tomorrow I will go back to the river for a walk and stop for a very good skim milk latte with lavender. Such a treat!

The nurse just called to say Lee’s doctor approved a more calming sedative for his shower days to prevent harm to his nurses and himself. Dementia is a cruel disease for all involved.

Til later….